Trifles

Now that I remember, I have always been a blogger. I've always been obsessed with capturing the trifles of my everyday existence. First, Hi5, then LiveSpace, then Blogger; now I refuse to migrate to more expert platforms like Wordpress, with fancy statistics and numbers of visits. Back then, I was writing for whoever happened to find my words, in the same way you find a bottle with a message, now, after many years, I attempt to do the same.  

One would expect that ten years into writing would have shaped me in any sort of way. Yet, I still feel like a lost fifteen year old, same anxieties, same fears. At least I don't despise my body like I used to. I have grown to love my fat lips, my dark skin and a butt that seems to evolve in crescendo, as if it followed an horizontal melody. 

''What remains?'' You might wonder. The fear of self destruction. The fear of being the bearer of a force bigger than my own rational desires. Being an overachiever and living under the premise that nothing, ever, will be enough. Does it sound exhausting to you? Do you want to go back to your own safe, cozy, comfort zone? By all means, be my guest, I never had patience to deal with those who cannot deal with the beauty of my darkness. All of these things remain with me. My precious belongings, my fears, my motivations, my scars. 

Avocados were falling off the sky this morning. Actually, it was just snow. Those damn flakes were so big that, for a second, my mind played to see them as thousands of green avocados, falling off the sky. Is it odd? That I'm dreaming of avocados, I mean? Or that I have mentioned the damn fruit three times in a couple of run-on sentences. So much for grammar!